yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
