How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
