Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
