I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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