4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
