I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
