There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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