I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
