we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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