Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
