So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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