I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Randomize
