Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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