the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
