I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
