What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
