She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
