i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I look better un-naked...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
