If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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