Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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