I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
