We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
