it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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