My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
