is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
