my being single is dangerous.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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