people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
