Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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