Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
