I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
