ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
