I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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