Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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