also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
