i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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