yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
