Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
