Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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