I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
