Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
