literally had 100 drinks last night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize