Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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