yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
