I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
