when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
