Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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