I'm passing your future prison.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
A+ Viking dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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