I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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