Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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