Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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