nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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