i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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