I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You have to summon your inner elephant
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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