And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
