yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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