Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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