So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
