Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
