I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
