i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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