so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
