Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
