omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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