Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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