she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
