I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We just shotgunned beers for America
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
