Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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