Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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