I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize