Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
